


Hard to Love

by keefling



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Feelings, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 08:06:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14828549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keefling/pseuds/keefling
Summary: Caleb speaks volumes in his silence, volumes and volumes that Molly wishes Caleb would read to him before bed every night for the rest of their lives.





	Hard to Love

It had been so easy to fall in love with Caleb.  He is quiet, the kind of quiet that had piqued Molly’s interest from the start.  Quiet people have so much to say, much unlike himself, who cannot shut up about nothing in particular. 

“I am trying to concentrate, Mollymauk.”  Caleb sounds irritated and he has a right to be.  Molly had not realized how long he has been trying to read over Caleb’s shoulder in a language he does not understand. 

Caleb speaks volumes in his silence, volumes and volumes that Molly wishes Caleb would read to him before bed every night for the rest of their lives. 

Molly feels that he has gotten to know Caleb without knowing anything about him.  This part had been easy; it is exactly how he had gotten to know himself. 

“You cannot remember,” Caleb says after Molly tells his story.  Caleb sounds hollow, exhausted from what can only be waiting so long for answers that did not exist. 

“And you can’t forget,” Molly answers, hoarse from the truth. 

“We are polar opposites.”

“Yet two of a kind.”

Molly will never trivialize Caleb’s pain by wishing he could take his place; Molly is happy where he is, even when Caleb isn’t nearby. 

Molly is not the only one who notices when Caleb trails behind the party. 

“Looks like you have a shadow,” Fjord teases, but Molly does not want a shadow if it means that Caleb will not walk beside him. 

Caleb is brave and Caleb is kind.  His guarded heart denies it again and again.  

“I do not deserve your kindness,” Caleb says, reluctantly accepting gold for ink and paper. 

“I do not care what happens to me,” Caleb says, willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. 

“I am a garbage person,” Caleb says, as if self-loathing could make up for what he had done. 

The swell of devotion in Molly’s heart longs to prove him wrong, to tell him that he is loved and deserving until he believes it.  But these things take time.  Molly will be patient for Caleb. 

The weight on Caleb’s shoulders is heavy but it never weighs Molly down.  Molly lies awake in bed after Caleb falls asleep beside him. He watches the tension leave Caleb’s sleeping face in the peaceful moments of merciful unconsciousness that he had worked too hard to achieve.  The worry lines fade and his tight jaw relaxes and it makes the man look ten years younger. 

“You are a hard man to love, Caleb Widogast, but it is so easy to love you.”

Molly whispers things into the dark that he could never say to Caleb’s face.  If Molly pushes too hard, Caleb pushes back with exponential force.  Caleb is not a delicate man; his resilience had hardened him, but Molly sees the way the light shines through the cracks, illuminating bits and pieces of beauty and tragedy alike. 

Molly basks in the early morning sun that creeps through the blinds and thinks, this is how it should be.  He wants Caleb to wake every morning and see himself as Molly sees him, cast in golden rays of light. 

Molly has built a Caleb-sized house in his heart, but Caleb does not fit like he is supposed to.  Caleb will change and he will grow like all people do, and Molly waits in hopeful anticipation for the day when Caleb finally comes home. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what inspired me to write something this short, but this might be the first thing under 1k that I'm proud of. I just have a lot of feelings about these two, okay?


End file.
